Fear Will Not Stop Me

Overlooking Badwater Basin in Death Valley

2024 has been a year of facing my fears. It didn’t start out that way, it wasn’t a decision I made, at least to begin with, but it has become a theme this year.

In February, Scott and I went west to celebrate our 34th anniversary. Our first stop was Death Valley. And we went straight to Dante’s View, overlooking Badwater Basin, some 5,550 feet above the valley. The view was breathtaking and even more spectacular because there was the rare occurrence of the lake in the basin. 

Just when I thought we were going back to the car, Scott pointed me to a ‘hill’ we could walk up to get an even better view. All I could see was this tiny little trail that looked like a goat path circling around the top of the ‘hill’. Panic set in. I didn’t want to be a spoiled sport, and keep him from hiking it, or making him do it alone, but I made up my mind that I would get to the point where the path curved around and seemed to offer a shortcut to the valley (yep, that 5,500 feet below us that I mentioned). That was where I was going to stop.

The 'hill' with the curve to the left.

The turmoil churning inside of me, as I headed up the ‘safe’ part of that hill, was crushing. I wanted to be an adventurer with him. I wanted to not be afraid, or at least willing to not be stopped by my fears. And I wanted to experience the wonder of God in His creation. There’s something about nature that overwhelms me with the power, creativity and the vastness of God. I wanted more of that without so many limitations rooted in fear. 

Doesn't look like it but that's 5,500 ft down.

Many years ago, Scott took me on my first hike in college and planted a dream for adventures. And in many ways, I’ve pursued that dream at times… we’ve hiked a lot with our kids, I’ve been to Africa and Honduras, we’ve hiked in other National Parks and in other countries, but fear is always a constant companion and often keeps me from the things I want to do most. 

As I walked up that hill in Death Valley, struggling to catch my breath from a mixture of elevation, a lack of fitness and all out panic, I started to pray. It wasn’t the first time I had asked for strength to face my fears, but it had been a really long time since I was that desperately afraid.

Stepping on to the curve to the left.

We reached the curve around the top and I just kept putting one foot in front of the other, sometimes scrambling up rocks, until we reached the overlook. The view was spectacular and once again I was filled with awe at the majesty of God. But there was something else too, I felt free and empowered.

Yes I can!

It was my first glimpse in 2024, that the someone that I longed to be, might be more than just a dream. Maybe it was really who I could be, if I just kept putting one foot in front of the other, walking by faith and trusting that God was in this process. Somehow I think this has more to do than just with hiking, but it’s a journey I’m growing to love as this boldness (exercised with wisdom ) grows inside of me.