The Prison of Unforgiveness

Several people have asked me, “Where did this new passion for hiking come from?” Oddly, I wasn’t quite sure how to answer their question, so I decided to talk to Scott about it. 

He thought for a minute and said, “Your fear used to be a stop for you, but now you see it as a challenge to be overcome.” I don't want to rush past that... That is a profound shift in perspective, but I knew immediately that he was right. I could see where it had happened over and over, these last months.

But then he went on to make an interesting observation. He related it to the journey that I’ve been on for the last few years, digging up some unforgiveness that was deeply rooted in my heart, taking off shame as the filter that I viewed life through and facing down regrets that I couldn’t let go of. 

And I realized something, when God unbinds your heart from something you’ve been holding onto for many years, He really does open the prison doors and ALL of you gets to come out. I’m not sure what I expected, when I set out on this journey, but I got so much more than I ever dreamed possible and how I face fear is one of the unexpected blessings.

Scott was so right, for too many years fear has been a stop for me, in more than just hiking… a fear of what will people think, what if I can’t, what if I fail, what if… what if… what if? But now, exercised with wisdom, I approach my fears with an attitude of ‘You’re not stealing my joy anymore,’ and it really has become a challenge to face rather than a wall to stop me.

The parable of the unmerciful servant (Matthew 18:21-35) has grabbed my heart for such a long time, when the King forgave one of his servants a tremendous debt and then the servant went out and refused to forgive a small debt of another servant. The King threw him in prison.

I wasn’t stubbornly refusing to forgive, there were just so many layers to it and I had to, once again, hand the shovel to God and invite Him to go digging in my heart. I’ll talk more about forgiveness in another post, but what I so want to convey is that unforgiveness really is a prison that steals the possibility of a life where we thrive and can live with joy.

I have loved hiking and being outdoors, since Scott first introduced me to it, over 35 years ago. But it has often produced as much stress because of my fears as it did joy, and frustration because I was too afraid to do what I longed to do. So the answer to the question, that I began with is this, my passion for hiking isn't new. It's just been caged in for so long and the floodgates are finally open!